I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
