Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
