We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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