Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
