Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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