My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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