I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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