i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
