I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
