So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he fucked my hip out of place.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
