Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
