I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
