I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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