My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
