Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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