You're completely useless in the revolution.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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