i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
