How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
