I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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