11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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