Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
