he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
