I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
