I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize