tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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