I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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