So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
