So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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