I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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