Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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