The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize