you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
