I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
