think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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