dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
