I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
