how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize