Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
