so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
