You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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