wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
