just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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