peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
