I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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