You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
