i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
