Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
