Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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