I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you traded sex for a burrito?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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