Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
