So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
why is half of my head shaved?
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