I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
