had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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