Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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