whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
