so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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