3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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