I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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