it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
