if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
