you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
