What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
