need another drink. this is the easiest way
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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