i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize