the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
