let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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