The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
